<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Grumpy Boy by fragilecapricornpanic</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571115">Grumpy Boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic'>fragilecapricornpanic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Allison’s Wedding [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Minor Diego Hargreeves/Eudora Patch, No Incest, No Slash, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, allison’s wedding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:55:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A majorly stressed Diego tries to drag a high as a kite Klaus to their flight for Allison’s wedding. Ben is amused and exasperated by his brothers’ childish bickering, and a timid Vanya tags along at the airport - utterly bewildered by Klaus’ nonsense.</p><p>(Pre book)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Allison’s Wedding [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Grumpy Boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Btw these are in their POVs so they’re semi unreliable narrators </p><p>I haven’t uploaded these chronologically since they can all be read as stand alones &amp; they were written non-linear over several months. I’ve put them in the Allison’s wedding series in chronological order though :) </p><p>(In Weekend at Bernie’s they drag a rich dead guy around to get places and put sunglasses on him to make him look alive)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anxiously glancing down to the car’s clock, Diego was relieved he’d not trusted Klaus and turned up early to pick him up. They could still make their flight, but it was going to be cutting it fine - Diego was just aimlessly driving around shitholes at this point. He breathed a small sigh of relief as he saw his brother arguing with thin air. Diego went to pull a knife from his holster to pin him to the wall, but he looked in no condition to run very far. “Klaus, get in the car.” he demanded condescendingly, slowing down to a snails pace to keep up with his brother’s stumbling. It was frankly a miracle he was even upright.</p><p>Darting his sights for all possible ways to escape, Klaus disappointedly stomped his foot when he realised he was up shits creek without a paddle. “<i>You</i> get in the car!” he yelled, far too high to even attempt saying something that made sense. Ben smugly snickered from his side. “Nice one.” his dead brother quipped sarcastically. Klaus shoved <b>HELLO</b> in his face, before realising his mistake and hastily switching to <b>GOODBYE</b>.</p><p>“I <i>am</i> in the car,” Diego spat, trying not to get too irate at this time in the morning “that’s how I’m driving it!” Diego knew he’d have to put up with Klaus’ bullshit for days due to the wedding, if he started screaming already, he’d probably have a fatal aneurysm by the ceremony. He pulled over abruptly, ignoring Klaus shoving his hands up at nothing. “It’s almost impressive how infuriating you are.” Diego grumbled as he tore from the car and approached his brother. “Why, thank you.” Klaus bowed like he’d just finished a theatre show. “That wasn’t a compliment.” Diego curtly informed him, heaving him along to the car by his shoulders. “I beg to differ.” Klaus teased insufferably. Diego shoved him into the backseat like a criminal, since that was what he was, and slammed the door shut.</p><p>As he made his way over to the driver’s door, the backdoor opened up again and Klaus dragged himself out. “This isn’t <i>Whack a Mole</i>.” Diego furiously hissed, circling back around to his brother and halfheartedly kicking him so he’d be too distracted melodramatically gasping to stagger off. When his brother barely even noticed the kick, Diego frustratedly clenched his fists so tight his nails dug in to his palms. “You promised me you’d come.” he groaned, wondering how the hell he was going to cope with his brother for the next couple of days. Even the task of taking him to the airport seemed impossible. Diego felt like he was going to just drop dead from the stress of it all. Why couldn’t Luther do the babysitting for once? He was goddam <i>”Number One”</i> and he had literal super strength! He could crush Klaus like a soda can. With one hand.</p><p>Peering to Ben to check if that was accurate, Klaus sighed when his dead brother nodded. “Well I lied.” Klaus shrugged dopily, barely stopping himself from falling asleep standing up. Diego scoffed, sounding more annoyed at himself for believing Klaus than at Klaus for lying. “Let me go, nobody will miss me anyway.” Klaus giggled humorlessly, knowing full well that his siblings would actually be relieved. Although Klaus would relish the chance to irritate them all, he also didn’t want to deal with them judging him the entire time he was there. It was hard enough having Ben nagging at him all the time, he didn’t need the others doing it too. “Then why are you invited? You asshole.” Diego snapped, sounding like he was trying to explain astrophysics to an infant. “She doesn’t want any of us there she’s just keeping up appearances.” Klaus drawled in a matter of fact manner, slumping back down into the car purely so he could rest. “This isn’t for you!” Klaus pettily informed his living brother, pointing a scornful finger in his direction. Klaus wasn’t certain why he was angry at Diego, but he had the distinct feeling that he was. Diego huffed and shoved Klaus’ legs into the car - slamming the door so fiercely the whole vehicle wobbled.</p><p>”Did you even go into the shelter?” Diego inquired accusatorially as he slunk into his seat, referring to the place Klaus had promised he’d stay at and get picked up from this morning. He saw Klaus lazily shrug through the rear view mirror as he started the shitty engine. It took several attempts. It was difficult for Diego not to take his anger out on the piece of junk. Setting off to the airport, Diego wondered what it must be like to never be able to remember what you did yesterday. He couldn’t understand why that was appealing to Klaus. Diego was concerned they wouldn’t even let Klaus on the plane in this state. Though... a niggling part of Diego’s mind wondered if that would be so bad, the thought of sitting on a plane with Luther was torturous. “Just wake the fuck up, I’m not doing <i>Weekend at Bernie’s</i>.” he grunted, trying not to pay attention to his brother’s giggling at his reference. “That wasn’t supposed to be funny!” Diego snapped, trying not to snicker himself.</p><p>Ben watched Diego’s cheeks glow slightly flushed due to his incredibly cheesy movie reference. Klaus fumblingly reached into his pocket, pulling out a bag of white powder. Ben wasn’t even certain what it was, Klaus had had a wild night even by his standards. “No.” he scolded his brother, feeling tempted instinctively to snatch it from him, despite knowing he was dead. Babysitting whilst not being able to touch the insufferable child was unspeakably irritating. “He told me to wake up!” Klaus mumbled defensively, struggling to open the bag with his ridiculously dulled motor skills. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Diego yelled from the front, throwing something to knock the bag from his hand. Ben rolled his eyes, absolutely amazed by the stupidity of both his brothers. If the bag had been open as it flew through the air, Diego would’ve inhaled it too. Ben felt they should never be allowed unsupervised contact together.</p><p>Too distracted by looking at the object his prick brother had thrown to care about his drugs, Klaus picked it up curiously. “This isn’t really your color.” he teased, opening the lipstick to examine it more. It was obviously his girlfriend’s, but Klaus wanted to piss Diego off. “Give it back.” his living brother grunted, shoving a hand out over his shoulder. “No, I’m good.” Klaus replied happily, swatching it across his hand. “You don’t even wear lipstick!” Diego groaned with irritation, which was thoroughly entertaining. It was also always quite comforting that Diego didn’t give a shit about Klaus wearing makeup to begin with. “Maybe I’ll start.” Klaus chuckled, though he did wonder if his girlfriend was a badass lady boss. This lipstick was <i>fancy</i>. She probably wore fierce pantsuits. Klaus wished he wasn’t unjustly banned from meeting her.</p><p>Worried Eudora would be mad if her expensive makeup went missing, Diego purposefully stalled the car to make the lipstick fly from Klaus’ hand. He would probably encourage her to throw it out anyway, not wanting her to contract the Hep C Klaus probably had lingering on his person. “You’re a psychopath!” his brother squawked, even though Diego knew he was far too doped up to have actually been shocked by the sudden movement. “I thought you would love weddings.” Diego grumbled, sheepishly glancing to the surrounding drivers he’d just scared the shit out of. It was Klaus’ fault. His brother gasped dramatically, something that had been rendered utterly meaningless considering how often he does it. “Why, because I’m ga-“ Klaus stopped abruptly, clearing his throat “-<i>girly</i>?!” Diego tilted his head in consideration, nonchalantly nodding his agreement. “I was gonna say a drama queen, but that works too.” Diego taunted, knowing Klaus was just acting offended for the dramatics... proving Diego’s point spectacularly.</p><p>—</p><p>Opening the back door to heave his imbecile brother out like a sack of shit, Diego felt strongly inclined to punch him. “Stop singing that song.” he gruffly rebuked, growing enraged by him repeatedly singing a song from High School Musical. And then repeatedly teasing Diego for knowing it. It wasn’t his fault Eudora had nieces. “Okay, mürrischer Junge.” Klaus giggled, swatting his hands away. Diego tried desperately not to laugh at being called <i>”grumpy boy”</i>. He wasn’t sure if that was more irritating or if it was the use of unnecessary German. “I’d rather be grumpy boy than junkie boy.” Diego deadpanned.</p><p>Nervously glancing over his shoulders, Diego jostled Klaus to stick his hands in his jacket pockets. The thought of feeling a needle prick was setting his teeth on edge. “Just give me the drugs, you dick!” he hissed in nearly a whisper, not wanting to be heard saying such a thing outside an airport. The idea of going through goddamn TSA checks with Klaus was anxiety inducing. “Buy your own!” Klaus grunted, attempting and failing to shove Diego away. “You’re like a goddamn police lockup.” Diego muttered, morbidly enthralled by the sheer amount of bags he was removing from the various pockets. Klaus shoved his head back into the seat petulantly, clearly giving up on fighting him off.</p><p>”Gimme some of those!” Klaus whiningly demanded, making grabby hands for a bag of pills. “Hell no, you’re high as a kite.” Diego chuckled in disbelief, impressed by the utter audacity Klaus had. “I need them for the plane. It’s <i>seven hours</i>. You know I’ll get sick.” he pouted, obviously trying to look pitiful and endearing. It wasn’t working. Diego narrowed his eyes at his brother, loathing the knowledge that he was right. He would probably be even more irritating in withdrawal. “Asshole.” Diego grunted, begrudgingly pouring some out into Klaus’ stupid <b>HELLO</b> tattoo. He wondered if he always purposefully used the appropriate hand. “Get caught in security and I’m gonna fuck <i>this</i> up.” Diego gestured vaguely at his brother’s face, knowing he was for some irrational reason unabashedly vain. He had no intention of actually punching Klaus, but he was on the verge of breaking point. Diego didn’t even want to know how he was planning to board with the drugs. Klaus’ eyes grew wide with outraged fear, nodding his head frantically - his vanity being his kryptonite.</p><p>—</p><p>”You’re a grown man, you know that right?” Diego passive aggressively pointed out, wanting to shove his brother in one of those luggage carts and push him around like that. “Yes, I’m aware.” Klaus snipped, once again tripping over his own feet. This was verging dangerously close to <i>Weekend at Bernie’s</i> territory, but they didn’t even have sunglasses. Maybe they could buy some. Diego kept flicking his vision across the crowds, trying to spot his giant brother - it was one of the only times he actually longed to have Luther around. He could carry Klaus with his pinky finger. “You don’t need to manhandle me.” Klaus huffed, attempting to shrug off Diego’s grip. He was being so annoying that Diego obliged, just to teach him a lesson - momentarily letting go of his arm, and then catching him just before he slumped to the floor. It was aggravating that Klaus barely even batted an eye. Diego dragged him back up, feeling tempted to just push him into a garbage can. “I need to peeeeee.” his brother childishly whined, dragging his feet once again but purposefully this time. “You don’t need to pee.” Diego grunted, not an ounce of uncertainty in his tone.</p><p>Klaus didn’t need to pee, he just wanted to make Diego uncomfortable enough to leave him alone. He wasn’t exactly going to stand there and watch him piss. “Do I not possess a bladder?” Klaus wheezed obnoxiously, receiving a gentle whack across the head by his living brother and a scowl from his dead one. “We look kind of <i>gay</i>, you know.” Klaus goaded mischievously, glancing down to the hold Diego had of his arm. His brother clenched his jaw like a vice, shuffling slightly away to hold Klaus at arm’s length. “Still pretty gaaaay.” Klaus sang, finding great enjoyment in making Diego squirm. He still wasn’t letting go. He could totally walk on his own, this was just excessive. “Stop using gay as an insult.” Diego grouched cluelessly, which was utterly hilarious. Klaus wasn’t even sure why Diego was so goddamn determined to get them there, he probably hadn’t even spoken to Allison in years. He began to ask his brother as much, but a tentative hand patted his arm. Glancing down to the tapping, Klaus found his little sister. “Vanny!” he grinned, patting her head like a dog. She’d be such a tiny dog. A miniature chihuahua. Her hair was so goddamn soft... she’d definitely be one of those luxurious long haired chihuahuas. Klaus reluctantly dragged his hand from Vanya’s silky locks when Ben told him to stop being so weird.</p><p>Vanya brushed her hair behind her ear bashfully, wondering why Klaus was staring at her quite so intensely. She ambled over to traipse beside Diego instead. Vanya noticed her brothers’ luggage were just two incredibly small and half empty backpacks, it was quite depressing. Klaus was clearly on another planet, and Diego was tensing his jaw so intensely that she worried he may develop a migraine, if he didn’t already have one. Vanya was actually rather jealous of Klaus, it would be good to not be able to feel how unfathomably anxious she was. “Is everything okay?” she murmured shyly, looking up to Diego and feeling like she was the size of a mouse. God help her when they met up with Luther... Diego looked down at her to smile softly. “Yeah, he’s j-“</p><p><span class="big">”We’re gay and he won’t let me piss!”</span> Klaus impishly yelped at Vanya, causing the surrounding crowd to all glare in their direction. Vanya startled nervously and promptly looked to the floor, wishing she could sink into it. She heard Klaus wheezing and Diego reprimanding him for being an idiot. She let herself dawdle a few paces behind her brothers, not wanting to be associated with Klaus’ little outburst. She felt terribly cold, which apparently wasn’t how everyone else felt according to their clothes. She pulled her jacket tighter around her, feeling like this was a good metaphor for her life.</p><p>Klaus looked over his shoulder and saw Ben sauntering along with Vanya, close enough to brush arms had Ben been alive. It was adorable. It was a shame she’d never know. In his distraction he nearly toppled over, causing a frustrated grunt from Diego. “You’re like a caveman.” Klaus giggled softly, wondering if the man could have an entire conversation through grunts alone. Maybe that was how he and Luther conversed when they were alone together. “You’re the one who’s got the brains of a caveman.” Diego taunted, rolling his eyes in a way that showed fondness despite his fury. “A <i>sexy</i> caveman.” Klaus confidently corrected his living brother, wanting that distinction to be abundantly clear.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>